Walking Your Hero’s Journey: How to Turn Struggle into Transformation

The Middle Isn’t a Breakdown — It’s the Pattern Showing Itself

Most people don’t fall apart because they’re incapable.

They fall apart because something in their life is changing faster than their patterns know how to support.

Burnout.

Relationship strain.

Identity shifts.

That unsettling feeling of “I don’t recognize myself anymore.”

We tend to treat these moments like personal failures. Like something has gone wrong.

From a behavioral perspective, they’re something else entirely.

They’re the middle of a transformation.

And the middle is where patterns finally become visible.

Why the Middle Feels So Uncomfortable

In stories, we love the beginning and the end.

The call to adventure.

The triumphant return.

In real life, what we struggle with is everything in between — the phase where the old way stops working, but the new way hasn’t stabilized yet.

This is usually when people start saying things like:

• “I thought I was past this.”

• “Why does this feel harder instead of easier?”

• “I’m doing the work, so why am I still struggling?”

Nothing has gone wrong.

This is what it feels like when a system is updating.

What’s Actually Happening in the Body

When someone enters the middle of change, I’m not looking at mindset or motivation.

I’m looking at behavior.

What do you do when uncertainty increases?

• Do you push harder?

• Do you over-function?

• Do you pull back or shut down?

• Do you second-guess decisions you already made?

• Do you reach for familiar roles that used to feel safe?

These behaviors aren’t random.

They’re nervous-system strategies — learned responses that once helped you stay safe, connected, or in control.

The problem is that the middle phase removes the effectiveness of those strategies.

So the body gets louder.

That’s why the middle feels disorienting.

Why This Shows Up as Burnout or “Regression”

A lot of people describe the middle as regression.

They feel like they’re backsliding. Like all the work they’ve done suddenly disappeared.

What’s actually happening is that the system is under more demand than the old patterns can handle.

When a strategy stops working, the nervous system doesn’t calmly retire it.

It tries it harder.

That’s where burnout, emotional volatility, or shutdown can show up.

Not because you’re failing — but because the pattern is being stretched past its limit.

Where Shame Sneaks In

Shame shows up quickly when people don’t have language for this phase.

Without context, the mind fills in the gap:

• “I shouldn’t feel this way.”

• “Other people handle this better.”

• “I must be doing something wrong.”

Shame isn’t proof of failure.

It’s often a sign that someone is in the most influential part of change — without a map for how to move through it.

And shame keeps people stuck longer than necessary, because it turns attention inward instead of toward what’s actually being revealed.

Why Awareness Alone Isn’t Enough

Many people understand the concept of transformation.

They know about the Hero’s Journey. They’ve read the books. They’ve done the reflection.

But knowing what is happening doesn’t tell you how to move through it without reverting to old behaviors.

When the nervous system doesn’t have new experiences of safety, it defaults to what it knows — even if it no longer fits.

This is why people abandon changes they genuinely want, or loop back into patterns they’ve already outgrown.

How I Work with This Phase

I’m not trying to motivate people through the middle or convince them to push harder.

I’m helping them understand:

• what their behavior is communicating

• what the nervous system is protecting

• which patterns are being exposed — not because they’re wrong, but because they’re outdated

When people can see their behavior clearly and without judgment, something important happens.

Choice comes back online.

And from there, new patterns can actually stabilize and sustain a new way forward.

If You’re in the Middle Right Now

If things feel shaky, confusing, or heavier than expected, it doesn’t mean you’re off track.

It often means you’re right where change actually happens.

The middle isn’t something to rush through or fix.

It’s something to understand.

Because once you understand what’s being revealed, you can move forward without dragging old survival strategies with you.

That’s how transformation becomes sustainable — not dramatic.

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The Point of All This

You don’t need to become someone else to get through the middle.

You need to understand the patterns that carried you here — and decide which ones are ready to be retired.

That’s not failure.

That’s growth with awareness.

And it’s exactly what the middle is for.