Why Perfectionism Keeps You Stuck (and How to Shift It Into Progress)

If you’ve ever felt trapped in the perfectionism loop, I feel you. It’s the triple-check,

Refine

Refine

Refine

and tweak until it feels “safe” to let go kind of vibe. No matter how much you do, it never feels done or ready.

I’ve caught myself rewriting this very blog several times, convinced that it wasn’t “ready” or up to my standard. That’s the exhausting cycle of perfectionism—and why breaking free from its grip matters so much.

What Causes Perfectionism?

My definition of perfectionism has shifted as I’ve chosen to understand how it operates within me. It used to be something I’d be hesitant to admit, and now it’s something I’m actively rewiring to better support me.

Perfectionism often begins as a way to feel safe and worthy. If we dive deep enough, there’s a voice that says:

If I get this right, maybe I’ll be enough.

On the outside, it shows up in daily life:

• Rewriting until the wording feels exact.

• Delaying a project until every tiny piece feels perfect.

• Feeling like one mistake erases all the good you’ve done (in parenting, career, even that new dinner recipe).

Beneath the surface, perfectionism isn’t just mental.

It lives in the body.

It often lives in clenched jaws, tight shoulders, shallow breaths, or a stomach that’s fickle. Overcoming it isn’t just about “thinking differently”—it’s also about learning to soften the body, release the tension, and create safety from within.

How Perfectionism Shows Up for Parents, Entrepreneurs, and Relationships

For parents, it might look like waiting until you’ve researched the “perfect” routine before trying anything new, or beating yourself up if something didn’t fit your expectations the first time.

For entrepreneurs, it often shows up as endless refining before a launch, turning into projects that never see the light of day.

Let’s all take a deep breath to make room for this last one.

In relationships, it can quietly seep into how we love. You might hold your family, partner, or children to impossible standards without realizing you’re projecting your own inner critic. Or you might keep people at arm’s length, terrified of letting them see your imperfections. The irony? The very thing you’re craving—connection and acceptance—gets pushed further away.

The Hidden Shadow of Perfectionism

Here’s the part we don’t always admit:

• Perfectionism can be ego protection. It’s not just about wanting things “right”—it’s about avoiding failure, humility, or being seen as ordinary.

• It can disguise itself as productivity, when really it’s procrastination: “I’m not ready yet” is often code for “I’m afraid of being seen.”

• It whispers, Just one more tweak…, keeping us busy but not truly vulnerable.

I’ve learned that perfectionism is less about being flawless and more about avoiding the rawness of being human.

It’s a Cultural Thing

Perfectionism isn’t just a random trait to bare; it’s inherited and reinforced anywhere you look.

• Schools reward achievement over curiosity.

• Corporate cultures push output over well-being.

• Social media trains us to curate instead of create from an authentic place, flaws and all.

Layer in the generational patterns of parents or teachers equating love with performance, and perfectionism reveals itself not as a personal flaw but as a collective wound. Naming that truth frees us from carrying it like it’s ours alone to repair.

Why Perfectionism Keeps You Stuck

The problem isn’t wanting to do well. That’s actually the superpower. The problem is the loop it traps you in:

• You spend hours chasing the “right” version.

• You keep moving the finish line.

• You tell yourself you’ll relax once it’s perfect…but that moment never comes.

Over time, the revising doesn’t just take energy—it steals momentum. You end up spinning your wheels inside of critique instead of moving forward into unknown territory.

This is where perfectionism and anxiety collide. Both brace for mistakes and judgment that rarely come, which ironically makes you stumble into them anyway. The body stays locked in fight-or-flight, and the mind spirals.

Quick Win: Set a 20-minute timer. Create without expectation. When the timer dings, stop. You might find that “done” is safer than “perfect.”

Somatic Tools to Redirect Perfectionism

Since perfectionism often roots itself in the body, releasing it requires a body-based shift. These tools help redirect perfectionism out of the loop and into progressive movement:

1. Shake It Out: When you catch yourself frozen in what if’s, stand up and literally shake your arms, legs, and shoulders for one minute. This interrupts the nervous system’s grip and gives your brain a fresh start.

2. Jaw & Breath Release: Perfectionism loves to live in tight jaws and shallow breaths. Place a hand on your chest, unclench your teeth, and take 3 deep belly breaths. Tell your body, “It’s safe to start messy. Humans are inherently messy.”

3. Ground Through the Senses: Look around and name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This resets the mind from spiraling into details and brings you back to presence.

4. 80% Practice: When you feel the urge to perfect, pause and soften your shoulders. Say aloud, “80% is enough,” and let it rest. Notice how your body feels when you let it be done for now.

5. Completion Ritual: After finishing something (a project, a meal, a conversation), exhale fully, roll your shoulders back, and place a hand on your heart. Anchor the felt sense of “finished” in your body, so your nervous system learns safety in closure.

These small physical practices retrain not just your thoughts but your body to experience “done” as safe, nourishing, and enough.

The Paradox of Standards vs. Self-Sabotage

Perfectionism pretends to raise your standards but often lowers your output because nothing ever leaves your hands.

True mastery comes from imperfect reps, not from the perfect theory in your mind. The irony is that chasing flawlessness often creates mediocrity, while wearing the outfit, or sharing a story builds skill, resilience, and resonance.

How to Turn Perfectionism Into Progress

I don’t think perfectionism is bad—it’s just misdirected. The same sharp eye for detail that makes you overthink can also make you brilliant at refining. The secret sauce is to use it at the right stage.

The shift is simple:

• Create first. Let the messy draft live.

• Refine second. Use your perfectionism as polish, not as a starting point.

When perfectionism works in the right stage, it becomes a strength. It can turn rough ideas into something powerful instead of keeping them trapped in your head.

Overcoming Perfectionism with The Conscious Shift

Perfectionism isn’t your enemy if you don’t run from it.

The Conscious Shift helps you rewire it shows up in your life:

• Notice when perfectionism shows up.

• Regulate the pressure so your body can breathe again.

• Repattern how you use it—turning it from a block into a tool.

It doesn’t silence the part of you that wants to do things well. It simply teaches you to let that part work with you instead of against you.

A Compassionate Reframe

At its core, perfectionism is often a younger self’s survival strategy.

When we see it that way, the loop softens. We stop scolding ourselves and start offering compassion to the part that only ever wanted safety and belonging.

Progress doesn’t mean ignoring that voice. It means parenting it, holding it, and gently showing it that “done” is already enough.

Space to Reflect

Next time you catch yourself tweaking endlessly or avoiding the first step, ask:

• Am I still building—or just spinning my wheels?

• What would happen if the first version was enough for now?

• Where in my body am I carrying the weight of “perfect”? What happens if I soften that place instead?

You might discover that progress feels lighter, safer, and far more connective than perfect ever could.

Blog inspired by my son. He gets it out on paper and makes ideas real.