Arrogance, Defensiveness, and Criticism, Oh My!

(What Those Rigid Traits Are Really Trying to Say)

Let’s be real for a second.

We’ve all had those moments of snapping a little too quickly, digging our heels in, or getting sharp with someone we actually care about. Maybe it shows up as impatience. Maybe it’s defensiveness. Maybe it’s that fragrance of criticism you swore you’d tossed out.

Here’s the truth I'll say to anyone:

These traits don’t make you a shitty person. They make you human who's acting shitty.

The Roots Beneath the Reactions

Most of the behaviors we cringe at in ourselves are old survival strategies doing their best to protect us.

Let’s translate a few:

Trait	What It’s Trying to Protect
Arrogance	Fear of not being enough
Defensiveness	Fear of being misunderstood or unsafe
Criticism	Inner critic projected outward
Stubbornness	Need for control or stability

They didn’t show up to ruin your relationships or keep you feeling like everyone is against you.

They showed up to keep you safe.

They’re just roots planted from fear instead of trust.

Fess up, which one is relatable?

Change Image

• 0%The fear of not being enough
• 0%The fear of being misunderstood
• 0%The good 'ole inner critic who's escaped
• 0%The need for control or stability

When the Roots Run Wild

Here's the caveat you've already experienced - when these traits go unmanaged, they stop protecting us and start choking you out. True connection with others is lost because:

• Arrogance hardens into isolation.

• Defensiveness builds walls no one can climb.

• Criticism chips away at trust—yours and theirs.

• Stubbornness locks you into the corner that no longer keeps you warm.

  
  

What once kept you safe can warp into the big boss that no one can conquer but you.

The Brain Side of All This (Yes, There's Science)

Your brain isn’t working against you... it’s working from memory. It follows the paths it’s taken the most. If impatience, defensiveness, or criticism have been repeated responses, your brain will reach for them automatically. Not because you’re flawed, but because it’s familiar. That’s a neural groove. And until you create a new one, your reactions will feel faster than your intentions.

But here’s the breakthrough:

Neuroplasticity means you can reroute the flow. You can carve a new groove. Create a new pattern. Forge a new pathway.

We mimic nature, nature doesn't mimic us.

60-Second Self X-Ray (Save This)

When a trait rises up, pause and fill this in... yes, literally:

When I feel: ____________________I usually react by: ____________________That reaction is protecting me from: ____________________What I actually need is: ____________________

This is how reaction becomes awareness, where awareness becomes choice, and where choice creates change.

This Is The Conscious Shift

This is exactly why I created The Conscious Shift — not to shaming these traits to hell and back doesn't create safety or security in the mind or body.

Inside, we don’t chase perfection. We practice:

1. Awareness – Spot the root in real time

2. Regulation – Steady the nervous system

3. Repatterning – Choose a new groove

4. Integration – Make it second nature by repetition

Healing isn’t cutting yourself down. It’s guiding your roots toward richer soil.

The Human Part (Read This Twice)

If you catch yourself in arrogance, defensiveness, criticism, impatience, stubbornness…

Don’t run. Don’t spiral. Don’t shame. Don't Avoid.

Get curious. 

“What is this part trying to protect?”

Most people aren’t difficult just to be difficult. They’re just defending the parts that once got hurt.

That includes you.

Your roots are allowed to grow in new directions. And every time you redirect, you are proving this one sacred truth:

You are capable of adapting.